obstacle course

Class starts off with me kicking the wall. Wow. How did I not know I was that far back on my mat? My awareness, or lack thereof was embarrassing, but for only half a second because the class chuckled and we moved into our next pose. Vinyasa requires a flow to your positions, from one to the next. Flow...this consistent smooth movement that I am far from mastering.

We exist in these different spaces of our lives, but in order to shift from one space to another we have to master "flow". I believe I have shifted into neutral. And that upsets me. My soul. Neutral is a dangerous place; it is complacency, mediocracy, and indifference. All of which I am none, so how did I get here?

The inclination to retrace my footsteps, to reverse, as if identifying the route that led me to this point of neutrality will resolve my problem. But it won't. It will only delay my ability to shift out of neutral and into drive.

Halfway through this rapid pace "flow" class, the instructor with the side braid and hot pink lightning leggings informs us that the a/c is currently not working. "Great, here I am trying to find my flow and now I'm doing hot yoga simultaneously. Might as well throw whatever at me because I am not quitting on this process." An older guy moves his mat under a fan as the regret sinks in.

"I shouldn't have said anything," instructor realization. Laughter while we take breaths in down dog.

"Mind over matter," someone shares. And we flow on.

Is it our own fault to be in neutral? Do we sometimes require that break from our own drive? Our own passion and mission? I am not sure. I believe it can be difficult to drive in all spaces of your life, at least not full throttle. The art of perspective provides much more potential to shift at the right speeds and times between the spaces of our life accurately.

And maybe I needed to kick the wall today. Because it is with obstacles that we are able to move forward. Sometimes we feel like we have to see the end goal clearly or the perfect route when we really just need a horizon.