depth perception

When people talk about their fears, I usually don't have much to add. Their isn't much I fear. At one point in my life I was afraid of rollercoasters, but only because I didn't try it. It's not like I had a fear of heights that caused the fear of the rollercoasters. And once I did finally just try one on a spring break trip to Florida with some college girl friends, I loved it.

I slipped into yoga class in the tiny 5 minute late window gap. Today's class was very small and intimate. That didn't scare me. We moved into a variation of flow routines. That didn't scare me. I realized I forgot my water, and this is one of the intense classes. That didn't scare me.

Next we shifted into practicing crow pose. Which, by the way, I am still new to yoga as in my upper arm muscles and shoulders are not as strong as I would want to try such a difficult pose, but that is part of yoga: trying new and difficult poses to work yourself into them gaining progress little by little. Crow pose requires you to lower into a deep squat with your elbows inside your knees, hands firmly out in front of you, eyes gazing forward, and then the lifting of your feet. I attempted with the guidance of our instructor as this is a totally new pose for me, and it wasn't hugely successful but I tried.

Next we attempted crow pose on your forearms. Oh - closer to the ground so probably more doable. Squatting down I struggle to place my entire forearms flat against my mat. I am told to interlace my fingers instead, squeeze in my lower ribs, puff up my back, lean forward and gaze ahead, now lift my feet. Yeah right, I'm like 2 inches from the ground so like 1 second away from a serious face plant. I do not lift my feet. Don't even attempt the pose.

Why is it that I felt able to attempt the first pose up on my hands arms fully extended, but not the second down lowered on my forearms closer to the ground? Fear factor set in. I was too close. The inevitable doom of failure was staring me right in my face - literally - and I was afraid.

Fear can either paralyze you, or inspire you. And the thing about it is that it does not have to be in that moment that you decide, but you do have to hold yourself accountable for the decision or it will overpower you.