seeking greatness

There is an elusive goal that we are always just within reach of achieving, yet can never quite. I am a high expectations kind of person. I have spent many relationships being convinced that expectations are outlandish, yet I hold myself to an extremely high standard so why wouldn't I be able to hold the people in my life to that same bar?

Today's Saturday was filled with the explorative adventure of the Half Price Books Clearance Sale with the boyfriend. The intensity he exudes while hunting books is astonishing. His knowledge ranges from the classics to the noble prize winners to modern literary writers. He rattles off author names and awards to me as we sift through the mountains of books; it's interesting because I love to read, but fell off the wagon a while back and became more of a writer. As a writer, I recognize that in order to achieve greatness you must expose yourself to a variety of other's who are great, who have achieved a level of greatness.

In many areas of my life, I aim to be the greatest. But I am not sure where or when this desire was born. Sometimes when I am in a meditative state during yoga as I am acting as the observer to my thoughts instead of the participant (a suggestion of the great sunflower instructor), I see these competitive thoughts streak across my mind in the form of a to-do list. I often feel torn with all the goals I want to achieve: publishing a novel, performing a TED Talk, traveling around the world, publishing poetry, publishing academic work, potentially going back to school, preaching, leading a camp for young people (maybe GT students), and the list rambles on for pages. Some artists have gone mad driving to achieve their understanding of greatness.

How does one keep from falling down into a blackhole of greatness? I believe that the answer can be discovered in many ways depending on the individual. But I believe that the importance of finding the balance between pursuing your greatness and discovering your calling must be the focal point. Otherwise you end up spiraling toward one of the spectrum and struggle to find your way back.