break to keep fixing
I struggled today to keep my balance. Helping my brother transition during this extremely turmotulous time, I felt a flood of negative emotions. I did not act on any of them, but they crept from the depths of me to the tip of my tongue. It was a physically exhausting day as well as emotionally and mentally. See, when you're family you feel the pain of your relatives. You want to do all that you can to heal the pain even though you know that pain must be healed on the individual's schedule and process, not your own.
The stress of the activities caused me to feel similar stress in relationships of my own that have recently been tested and somewhat failed. So when a man I trusted who betrayed me asked me if he could take me to breakfast Saturday, I felt more than hesitant even though I'd received a voicemail and extensive email apology.
Recently, the sun flower instructor has been reciting a quote that says "things come together and then they fall apart and then they come together and then they fall apart."
Today, many things were falling apart in my world.
But one thing that came together was my brother and me.
I realize today how much I felt the shock of his turmoil when I was experiencing negative self-talk as I try to fall asleep only to snap awake when I remembered that all that moving today kept me from my usual Friday class. I hadn't done yoga yet today! I crawled out of my cozy bed and into my study. Popped open the MacBook and worked through a bedtime routine with Adrienne. It was brief but lovely.
As I reflect on the day that hurt my family, I am choosing to focus more on the brightness of the day. These moments were and will be what helps my brother bring things back together. It is part of our responsibility to incorporate positive self-talk even in the darkest most unknown times.
Today, my brother and I worked tirelessly together. Today, I taught my 5 year old nephew tree pose.
Today, I drank beers on a patio with my brother and Norah while just enjoying the evening.
Today, my nephew called me mom on accident.
Today, my mom looked adorable in her LuLaRoe.
Today, I observed negative self-talk and made the adjustment through a yoga routine.
Today, I played Batman with my nephew.
Tomorrow, opportunities will arise. Will you be in the right mind set to take them?